I really have been struggling with productivity for as long as I can remember. Still I know, I have to keep trying. Keep observing my patterns and make necessary changes to it, day by day. This is where i seem to struggling, consistency(ugh).I have my good and bad days. But I really want to start making sense of my journey. I feel I’m not achieving anything.
Backstory: I am an engineering graduate who realized she didn’t like engineering on her 3rd year. I thought I wanted to be a dancer. Here’s the thing though I have a low self esteem so I work best with my decisions when I have 1-2 people supporting me. (out of which mom/dad has to be a part of). I did not become a dancer. (not professionally at-least).No worries. It is what it is.(<in a soothing optimistic voice>).Then I was sure I did not want to work in an IT firm. I just had this mental picture of not being happy there. I did get select in campus selection and I joined. Again I did not know what else to do with my life. It’s been 2 years now. I have loved my financial independency, the friends I have made, cities I have visited, experiences in the whole.um, It is what it is?!So anyways I did get to a decision of what to do next. And trying to work towards it. This is where the productivity journey comes into picture. Or more of what I’m trying to achieve through this online journal/blog as a means to achieve. Yup!
Today’s day was particularly hard. I am mentally preparing to tell my parents why I want to see a therapist(probably the reason would be to get help with public speaking). And keep working towards the goal that I have set, despite my mom’s objections. sighh. All I can do in these situations is cry. I don’t want to struggle with myself so much anymore. I believe if the inner struggle can be maintained to some extent I can handle external conditions much better. So the journey starts. Let’s see if we get to our goal this time?!
Anyways today’s word is to just breathe. While bawling my eyes out I thought of this! It’s just one of those days. And I’m trying to make best of it!! Beautiful end to a crappy day!