Day 52: Life as I know it
I’m not sure if I can write about life yet, as a 24 year old. But considering the uncertainty of being alive, which we keep forgetting often, I will go ahead with this one..
I’ve always wanted to work in a field that was not mainstream, but guess my work?! I’m a software engineer, which I did not want to pursue in the first place. Then why am I sticking around? Mostly because of financial independence and the fear of unknown. Secondly I don’t think much about my career as much as I think of my non-existent love life! Even writing this down gets me weirded out!
Anyways those would be the disappointments of my life! I’m tired of day dreaming.. to keep thinking on how things will change for me. Obviously they are changing.. but in a slow pace. My expectations have also changed accordingly. Maybe more realistic..
Now for the wisdom part.. I have recognized that I feel anxious when the underlying thought in my head(where there are layers of thoughts!), is that I am incomplete. That fixing so and so things in me would make me feel okay. But how much can I fix? I will always be lacking in some area or the other. Similarly I will be improving in a lot of other areas as well. So it’s the practice of choosing which lens to see from..
For now(as the moment of doubts will continue to be there), I am just here in the present, even if I’m anxious, it’s okay. This is the best of me, currently. Concentrating more on building a new reality rather than complaining about the present one..